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Happiness means quiet nerves.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Nerves
Quiet
Happiness
Means
Mean

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
W. C. Fields
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. Fields
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. Fields
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
W. C. Fields
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. Fields
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. Fields
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
W. C. Fields