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Happiness means quiet nerves.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Nerves
Quiet
Happiness
Means
Mean

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. Fields
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
W. C. Fields