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Happiness means quiet nerves.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Nerves
Quiet
Happiness
Means
Mean

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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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