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Happiness means quiet nerves.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Nerves
Quiet
Happiness
Means
Mean

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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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