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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Distrust
Cards
Cutting
Trust
Everybody

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
W. C. Fields
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. Fields
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
W. C. Fields
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
W. C. Fields
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. Fields
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You can't cheat an honest man.
W. C. Fields
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
W. C. Fields
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
W. C. Fields
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
W. C. Fields
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
W. C. Fields
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
W. C. Fields
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. Fields
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
W. C. Fields
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
W. C. Fields
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
W. C. Fields