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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Given
Hardly
Give
Humorous
Cautiously
Must
Husband
Instructed
Giving
Return
Suited
Wife
Joint
Since
Proceed
Names
Joints
Funny
Print

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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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