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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Bigs
Girl
Blister
Father
Blisters
Find
Convenience
Toes
Travel
Couldn
Marriage
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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