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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Marriage
Bigs
Girl
Blister
Father
Blisters
Find
Convenience
Toes
Travel
Couldn
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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