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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Bible
Loop
Lifetime
Deathbed
Fields
Loops
Looking
Agnostic
Reading
Explained
Religion
Hole
Book
Holes
Discovered

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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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