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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Lifetime
Deathbed
Fields
Loops
Looking
Agnostic
Reading
Explained
Religion
Hole
Book
Holes
Discovered
Bible
Loop

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. Fields
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In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
W. C. Fields
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
W. C. Fields
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
W. C. Fields
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
W. C. Fields
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. Fields
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W. C. Fields