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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Wake
Smile
Morning
Inspirational
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. Fields
I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
W. C. Fields
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields
Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. Fields
Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
W. C. Fields
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. Fields
