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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Wake
Smile
Morning
Inspirational

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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I like children - fried.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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I drink therefore I am.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
W. C. Fields
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
W. C. Fields
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
W. C. Fields
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. Fields