Quote

I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Five
Deck
Hands
Dealt
Men
Besides
Lays
Object
Nine
Objects
Hand
Aces

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. Fields
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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