Quote

I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Object
Nine
Objects
Hand
Aces
Five
Deck
Hands
Dealt
Men
Besides
Lays

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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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I drink therefore I am.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I'm searching for loopholes.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
W. C. Fields
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. Fields
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
W. C. Fields