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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Reading
Loopholes
Bible
Caught
Comedy
Looking
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields
There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. Fields
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
W. C. Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
W. C. Fields
You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
W. C. Fields
If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
W. C. Fields
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. Fields
Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. Fields
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. Fields
After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
