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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Looking
Reading
Loopholes
Bible
Caught
Comedy

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
W. C. Fields
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The best thing to break is a contract.
W. C. Fields
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
W. C. Fields
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
W. C. Fields
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
W. C. Fields
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
W. C. Fields
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
W. C. Fields
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. Fields
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. Fields
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
W. C. Fields
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I can do anything I want to do!
W. C. Fields
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
W. C. Fields
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. Fields
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. Fields
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W. C. Fields