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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Comedy
Looking
Reading
Loopholes
Bible
Caught

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
W. C. Fields
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
W. C. Fields
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
W. C. Fields
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
W. C. Fields
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
W. C. Fields
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields