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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Living
Whole
Would
Philadelphia
Comedy
Rather

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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
W. C. Fields
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields