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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Rather
Living
Whole
Would
Philadelphia
Comedy

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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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