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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Always
Never
Voted
Anybody

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
W. C. Fields
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
W. C. Fields
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields