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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Anybody
Always
Never
Voted
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
W. C. Fields
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
W. C. Fields
I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
W. C. Fields
Ain't fit for man nor beast
W. C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. Fields
All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
W. C. Fields
Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. Fields
It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
W. C. Fields
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields
