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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Christmas
Except
Friends
Two
Merry
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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I'm searching for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields
I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
W. C. Fields
Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
W. C. Fields
Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
W. C. Fields
