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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Merry
Christmas
Except
Friends
Two
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
W. C. Fields
I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
W. C. Fields
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. Fields
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. Fields
It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
W. C. Fields
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. Fields
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
W. C. Fields
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
W. C. Fields
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. Fields
I can do anything I want to do!
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
W. C. Fields
I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. Fields
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. Fields
Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
W. C. Fields
All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
W. C. Fields
Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields
