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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Heart
Bargaining
Bargain
Bargains
Negotiation
Humorous
Funny
Today
Take

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields