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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Bargain
Bargains
Negotiation
Humorous
Funny
Today
Take
Heart
Bargaining
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
W. C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
W. C. Fields
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
W. C. Fields
Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
W. C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields
I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
W. C. Fields
I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
W. C. Fields
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
W. C. Fields
No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
W. C. Fields
A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
W. C. Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. Fields
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. Fields
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. Fields
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. Fields
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
W. C. Fields
