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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Bargains
Negotiation
Humorous
Funny
Today
Take
Heart
Bargaining
Bargain
More quotes by W. C. Fields
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
I can do anything I want to do!
W. C. Fields
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
W. C. Fields
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
W. C. Fields
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. Fields
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
W. C. Fields
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields
Never work with animals or children.
W. C. Fields
I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
W. C. Fields
Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
W. C. Fields
California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
W. C. Fields
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
W. C. Fields
I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
W. C. Fields
