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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Meat
Horse
Tough
Outside
Usually
Food
Didn

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I can do anything I want to do!
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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