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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Food
Didn
Meat
Horse
Tough
Outside
Usually

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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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