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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Giant
Smallest
Giants
Brother
Baffle
Science
Midget
World
Whilst
Largest
Twins

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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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