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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
World
Whilst
Largest
Twins
Giant
Smallest
Giants
Brother
Baffle
Science
Midget

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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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I'm searching for loopholes.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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