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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Brother
Baffle
Science
Midget
World
Whilst
Largest
Twins
Giant
Smallest
Giants

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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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