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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Anyone
Lurks
Simple
Swallowing
Death
Whisky
Long
Whiskey
Make
Presence
Mines
Mine
Goes
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
W. C. Fields
