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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Week
Two
Firsts
First
Philadelphia
Prize
Weeks
Second
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
