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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Embarrassing
Necessity
Engaged
Marriage
Friend
Things
Life
Fiancee
Inform
More quotes by W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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