Quote

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Friend
Things
Life
Fiancee
Inform
Embarrassing
Necessity
Engaged
Marriage

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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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I like children - fried.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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