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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
House
Home
Pet
Play
Boss
Make
Thinks
Men
Dog
Thinking
Dead
Funny
Making
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
W. C. Fields
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. Fields
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. Fields
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
W. C. Fields
All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields
How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
W. C. Fields
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
