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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Thinking
Dead
Funny
Making
House
Home
Pet
Play
Boss
Make
Thinks
Men
Dog
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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