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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Thing
Laugh
Laughing
Getting
State
Doe
States
Verify
Firsts
Comedian
First
Laughter
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
W. C. Fields
