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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
First
Laughter
Thing
Laugh
Laughing
Getting
State
Doe
States
Verify
Firsts
Comedian
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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