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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
First
Laughter
Thing
Laugh
Laughing
Getting
State
Doe
States
Verify
Firsts
Comedian
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. Fields
It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
W. C. Fields
It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
W. C. Fields
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields
The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
W. C. Fields
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. Fields
Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
W. C. Fields
I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
W. C. Fields
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. Fields
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. Fields
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
