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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Insulting
Throat
Pips
Stuck
Constipated
England
Bushel
Talk
Throats
Plums
Swallowing
Englishmen
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. Fields
Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
W. C. Fields
I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
W. C. Fields
I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
W. C. Fields
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
W. C. Fields
You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W. C. Fields
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields
The best thing to break is a contract.
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
W. C. Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields