Quote

All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Swallowing
Englishmen
Insulting
Throat
Pips
Stuck
Constipated
England
Bushel
Talk
Throats
Plums

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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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I like children - fried.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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