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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Throat
Pips
Stuck
Constipated
England
Bushel
Talk
Throats
Plums
Swallowing
Englishmen
Insulting
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I like children - fried.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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