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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Secret
America
Men
Boot
Infant
Boots
Ambition

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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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