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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Two
Girls
Rather
Girl
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
W. C. Fields
All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. Fields
There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. Fields
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
W. C. Fields
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
W. C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
W. C. Fields
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. Fields
