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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Girls
Rather
Girl
Two

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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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I drink therefore I am.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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