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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Believe
Joining
Churches
Consider
Church
Found
Didn
Ever
Might
Knocking
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
Ain't fit for man nor beast
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
W. C. Fields
