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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Anything
Referring
Need
Specifically
Many
Biblical
Needs
Fish
Believe
Fishes
Indisputable
Proof
Jonah
Asked
Whale
Stories
Whales
More quotes by W. C. Fields
How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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Never work with animals or children.
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