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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Proof
Jonah
Asked
Whale
Stories
Whales
Anything
Referring
Need
Specifically
Many
Biblical
Needs
Fish
Believe
Fishes
Indisputable

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields