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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Gorgeous
Sunshine
Brothers
Brother
Sort
Mother
Effulgent
Murdered

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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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Never work with animals or children.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
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