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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Sunshine
Brothers
Brother
Sort
Mother
Effulgent
Murdered
Gorgeous
More quotes by W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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