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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Mother
Effulgent
Murdered
Gorgeous
Sunshine
Brothers
Brother
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More quotes by W. C. Fields
Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
W. C. Fields
