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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Murdered
Gorgeous
Sunshine
Brothers
Brother
Sort
Mother
Effulgent

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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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