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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Union
Fall
Bush
Death
California
States
Unions
Rose
Full
Bloom
Freeze
Politics
Asleep
State
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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I drink therefore I am.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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