Quote

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Unions
Rose
Full
Bloom
Politics
Freeze
State
Asleep
Fall
Union
Death
Bush
States
California

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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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I like children - fried.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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