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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Fired
Counts
Agent
Agents
Presses
Press
Therefore
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields
I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
W. C. Fields
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. Fields
Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. Fields
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
W. C. Fields
I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
W. C. Fields
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. Fields
No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields
In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
W. C. Fields
I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
W. C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields
The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. Fields
