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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Fired
Counts
Agent
Agents
Presses
Press
Therefore

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
W. C. Fields
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
W. C. Fields
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
W. C. Fields
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
W. C. Fields
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
W. C. Fields
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
W. C. Fields
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
W. C. Fields
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. Fields
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields